It is by far a difficult choice to share the deepest trenches of your mind with a complete stranger. It is even harder when you face criticism and judgement. I was never good at hiding my feelings. I'm even worse at lying. So I feel I should get this off my chest. What the point in keeping things hidden? In the end you just get burned...

I've been thinking about the 's' word a lot lately. Not smiling, not stealing... I'm talking about suicide. Why would someone want to end their own life when they could have so much to live for right? But you must also give into consideration that depression is not just a pigment of thought, or affected by one's surroundings. Depression is a chemical
imbalance in your brain. It is a mental disease. Trust me, my doctor gave me enough info sheets to teach a class on it. Sure, it's treatable, but does it ever fully go away? For me, the answer is no.

A hotline on speed dial, a friend on the other end of a text... This is what I have to help me. I believe I have dysthymia, but here's the thing... People with this 'disorder' are known to have a loss of motivation. So how motivated do you think I am when it comes to taking my medication? And because I forget to take it, I am greatly affected in school and work. My grades would please no one, and my effort is unworthy a diploma. But I do want to graduate, I just wish I could find more help on school.

There's a book I want to read, it's called 'A Reason To Live' by Melody Beattie. It is a reccomendation on my doctorate notes. It gives reasons for living, and advice on how to get through tough times. But I can't bring myself to buy it...

This post is not in self pity, I trust you understand that. I merely want to get my thoughts out. But I also wanted to give a lesson on depression. This world is so unjust that we confuse a medical disorder for a stereotype.

I pity the unknown souls. They are the fabric in need if a spool.

I am the thread left to unravel.